Preparation rituals

Woman in bath ritual sensual bathing
Most of us have busy and at times stressful lives. We put our energy into work, children, household duties, financial matters and never ending ‘to do’ lists etc. Sharing intimate times with our partner can often take a back seat or become something hurried before falling asleep!

Whilst we all enjoy a spot of spontaneous lovemaking there is also something to be said for seeing it and approaching it as a ritual...savouring and intensifying every moment. Whether self pleasuring or being with our partner we like to bring in a sense of sacredness and fun. To prepare ourselves emotionally, physically and spiritually we create a sacred space. This is normally the bedroom as it is quiet, warm and cosy. The things we bring into the sacred space are important. We like to create a sensual mood so have objects such as precious stones, statues/ornaments, fresh flowers and beautiful fabrics which can be draped to transform or hide any clutter in the room. Lighting is important...soft and subtle candles are a favourite. Music is equally important as the right music has the ability to invoke desires and feelings within us which can help to bring out the inner god/goddess!

So now we’ve prepared the space how about preparing ourselves as well? If you have a night of self- loving in mind you may be thinking ‘what’s the point of that if I’m going to be alone?’ Tantra is about embracing all aspects of ourselves and this includes our own body image. Preparing ourselves and taking time to awaken our senses and honouring the body is important whether you are self pleasuring or making love with a partner.

A nice way to prepare is the bathing ritual, which is one of our favourites. Create and transform your bathroom into a luxurious and inviting space that you can really indulge in. As we mentioned earlier candles, soft lighting and sensual music are all wonderful mood enhancers. Exotic essential oils such as ylang ylang, geranium or jasmine will really heighten and enhance the senses. When you are satisfied with your setting it’s time to sink into your tub and spoil yourself. Now is a good time to start tuning in and becoming aware of the breath. Allow yourself to breathe a little deeper and slower into the lower abdomen...starting to feel a wave of relaxation spreading throughout your body... The bathing ritual is a beautiful gift to pamper oneself or to share with a partner, who you may wish to bathe you. Having a partner wash your hair can be very sexy!

The next step or suggestion is self massage which is wonderful when done in front of a full length mirror or if you prefer, lying down. Take a favourite cushion or pillow and drape with silk or any other sensual fabrics. You may also wish to adorn yourself with jewellery or perhaps a silk robe...something that feels good against the skin. Choose your favourite essential oil and start to spread slowly over the body, really paying attention to every part. Allow yourself to linger over sensitive areas such as your erogenous zones. Continuing to breathe steadily and deeply is also key at this stage, helping you to stay connected with yourself and present in your experience.

Love Carmelle and Rachael

Tip 1: The love muscle

Text suggesting practice exercise
Tantric practises are easily integrated into daily life in many subtle ways. Here is a technique and easy exercise to begin with, that is simple to integrate whilst going about your daily routine:

A very important muscle, often referred to as the love muscle in Tantra, is the PC (puboccocogeus) muscle. This is the muscle we use to stop the flow of urine and it is present in both men and women.
Using the PC muscle in conjunction with the breath, try inhaling whilst tensing the PC muscle then releasing on the exhale. Once you have mastered that, you can try a quick pulsing action or, when you feel comfortable, try tensing and holding for 6 seconds before releasing. This creates a pleasant sensation as well as moving the energy up the back of the spine and helping to circulate the energy throughout the body. It also has a wonderful rejuvenating effect... very worthwhile when you need a little pick me up!

It is important to keep this muscle strong and healthy by exercising it regularly. The benefits are expanded orgasm and pleasure, heightened sensations during lovemaking and stronger ejaculation control.

Love Carmelle and Rachael 

Tantric Play

Yin Yang Symbol
We have a lot of fun playing this game and thought you might like to try it. You may be familiar with the concept of Yin Yang and how they are based on opposites that make the whole. This is because each also contains an element of varying degrees of the other. One is not better than the other, rather they are both necessary and the ideal would be a balance of both. An example of Yin would be; receptive, stillness, female, cold, moon. Yang; force, movement, masculine, heat, sun.

Firstly you choose who will be yang -they will be expressing their desires. It is a chance to clearly speak your own thoughts and wishes. It can be difficult sometimes to just receive as we often feel we need to (or want to) give something back in return. An example you may wish for could be a massage. Be specific and let your partner know which essential oil you would like, the pressure of touch, how long it should last etc.

The role of yin is one of nurturing, being present and encouraging yang to explore and be open about their desires. This will create intimacy, strong communication and trust.

A few things to consider; decide how long each of you will have, You may have a couple of wishes that could last for a few hours or lots of little ones that you can spread out over the agreed time. Remember that the intention of this is not a power play situation. Do not ask for something that you know your partner cannot or would not be comfortable doing. It also does not have to be sexual wishes. This can be a great chance to challenge ourselves a bit in a fun way as we can often find it difficult to ask for things we want for fear of seeming selfish, being rejected, lack of time and numerous other things. Explore and be creative but most of all have a sense of playfulness.

Love Carmelle and Rachael

Intimate loving - Orgasmic living

Man Woman Kissing Intimacy Nature Sensual
For a lot of people there is a certain misunderstanding and mystery surrounding Tantra and sex. This is partly due to the way in which we view and approach sex, both on our own or with a partner. In the west we often crave immediate gratification, using sex as a source of releasing stress, seeing ejaculation as the goal to be reached, touching but not really feeling the other person, assuming that if you just spend some time focusing on the genital area, he/she will be turned on and ready for the ‘next step.’
Whilst there is nothing particularly bad about that you can lose the more subtle and expanding sensations as the experience tends to be limited and localized in the genital area only. We look for outside sources for stimulation, for example, pornography, sex toys, fantasies, something (or someone) new to spice things up. We can lose the ability to just look within to turn ourselves on.

There are many stereotypical ideas that we attach or expect from each other. Men are often expected to be powerful and to initiate sex. They may feel pressure about giving a good performance and having an amazing sexual technique. This can lead to anxiety and disconnection as it then becomes a sex ‘act’ by only staying in the mind rather than approaching lovemaking from your heart and body too. Women can often have negative feelings about their bodies; not smooth, thin, firm, too fat, too dimply...the list can be endless. Social conditioning can make it difficult for women to express their desires and needs for the fear of seeming aggressive or feeling vulnerable.

Only by discarding those gender stereotypes and allowing ourselves to accept and explore both the masculine and feminine aspects in each of us can we begin to relate to each other and understand our full potential.

Often in our relationships it can be difficult to maintain the freshness and the wonder that we had in the early stages of being together. We get attached to the story of who we are and the roles we play within our partnership. Old resentments and playing out old habits of relating to each other make it difficult to view our beloved through fresh eyes. This often carries through to our sexual relationships and it can quickly feel stale as we struggle to retain the early excitement. We can sometimes feel disconnected as we struggle to let go of old hurts and emotions bubbling under the surface.

In Tantric lovemaking we focus on being in the present and having a sense of awareness and consciousness with every gesture and touch, allowing our intention to be clear and flowing freely, which naturally occurs when surrendering into the present moment. Tantric lovemaking is like a dance; it is the energy between two people and what it creates and stirs deep within, flowing between you in an organic way. It is a shared journey and a merging of sexual energy, passion and intimacy building in a slow conscious way....melting together. It is less about doing something and more about just being.

Our Tantric sexual journey is made sacred; one way is to create a new environment, in fact we often refer to it as our sacred space. Our sacred space is the place in which all that is failing to serve us is left outside. For example an argument we may have had with a partner is left aside. A big part of Tantra is communication with open hearts, this makes it easier to tap into our truth and share in an uncensored way with our partner without fear or judgement.

A beautiful Tantric exercise is the hollow bamboo. This is where one partner assumes the role of giver and the other as receiver. The giver, Shiva, is the empty bamboo and must listen in totality to instructions by the receiver, Shakti. An example is Shiva giving Shakti a yoni massage. Eye contact and direct communication is kept throughout and Shiva is wholly there for whatever Shakti's experience may be. It can be extremely healing for both partners, as well as being mind blowing and orgasmic.....

Although we do not offer Tantric sex sessions, we do offer ways in which you can start to explore your own personal Tantric journey.

Love Carmelle and Rachael

A Tantric Paradise.

Woman bathing outside paradise
Fancying a little break we took ourselves off on a Tantric retreat. Flying into San Francisco then driving a couple of hours north we arrive at Harbin hot springs. Beautifully quiet - no phones allowed or work anyway, with hills and luscious greenery all around. Checking into our simple but pretty room which will be home for the next seven days and feeling excited and full of beans despite the jet lag!
Venturing out to explore we pass the library, divine temple, the market store selling delicious foods, fresh juices and various lotions and potions. An Aladdin’s cave full of silks and gems in an array of colours catches our eye and tempts us in....mmm pure Goddess clothing. Saying hello and smiling like two cheshire cats at the various clothed/unclothed people passing us we make our way to the pools. There are four in total, all using 100% spring water and no chlorine. As they say, you can shower, cook, drink, brush your teeth or soak for hours with this water if you wish.

Bathing at night is one of the most delicious we lower ourselves slowly into the meditation pool everything just melts away....a stream of thoughts dissolving into the water. The sounds of wild animals and the cool night air gently ease us into a tranquil night of sleep.....

Waking up each day sleepy eyed at 7am for the morning meditation we cajole each other into the shower with positive words such as ‘It’ll wake you up’ and ‘It’s the best way to start the day.’ As neither of us are early birds this essential scenario is played out each morning...

Isn’t it funny how you are able to immerse yourself and how much easier it tends to be when you’re in a different environment? The week could be described as both rollercoaster and bliss but one thing was for sure, we were both fully engaged and focused on the present moment- an essential part of Tantra.

Harbin has a wonderful array of workshops that run all the year round. Many are designed around sexuality, intimacy, love and its healing aspects. An important part of the workshop involved bringing to the surface our deepest fears and, it certainly did bring things up, including a great deal of resistance in most of us. However, then we are able to move beyond these feelings, revealing us in our pure and true nature. Thank goodness for much laughter and dance to lighten the mood!
It reaffirms to us the deep healing power that Tantra has on our own lives, and the personal transformational effects we witnessed in the group we were honoured to be a part of. We found Harbin to be the perfect retreat centre to study and progress with our own personal tantric journey, a path that unfolds the deepest truth and joy within ourselves.

Love Rachael and Carmelle

Ready to explore?

Glass pendants hanging Questions
We like to ask people who come along and attend a session with us the question: What has drawn you to Tantra? The answers we receive are interesting and varied. Some of the common responses are; wanting to integrate sexuality and spiritual practices working with sexual energy, which can be enticing and also bring the missing link that they have been seeking, a sense of shyness, fear or guilt surrounding sexuality, problems with intimacy or a feeling of becoming disconnected and wishing to bring back that spark to maintain fulfilment and richness in their relationships, unable to receive and to let go of expectations, a busy stressful lifestyle and in need of some pampering, being stuck in certain emotions, looking for a playful and enjoyable way to explore themselves, missing a sense of deep connection or a feeling that ‘there must be more.’ Of course there are also people who are not sure why or just curious but sense that it would be a positive step.

Now that you have decided to explore your Tantric journey further, the question may be where do I go from here?
Workshops are often a good way to explore either singularly or as a couple or you may feel more comfortable having a private session to begin with. You may wish to gain knowledge by listening to a talk on Tantra as your first Tantric introduction. We were deeply inspired by Tantra teacher Sarita Mahasatvaa of the school of awakening. She holds regular talks in London and further afield. is also a great source of information. We both offer sessions for individuals and couples and are very happy to chat and discuss your session further.

We would encourage you to explore a little and go with what feels right for you......take a leap!

Love Rachael and Carmelle 

Namaste. A little about us....

I have been practicing holistic massage and bodywork since 1991 and am very aware of the impact it has both physiologically and psychologically. It can be used to invigorate and energise or promote relaxation through releasing tension and stress. Touch is perhaps one of the most neglected senses. However, when we are touched in a positive and healing way it stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system, slowing the body down which in turn lowers the heart rate and helps deeper breathing. When given with the right intentions it is also comforting and helps us to feel more connected and centred.

Tantra shows me ways to achieve these feelings and more that in day to day life can sometimes be quite challenging! There are many different levels in which you can bring Tantra into your life. It can help to transform your relationships both with yourself and others. Tantra works with sexual energy, learning how to harness it and consciously move it through the body. It shows you how to see the divine in your partner and create intimacy and connection rather than goals and expectations. It is a spiritual path teaching you to trust and listen to the inner voice. It embraces everything, not just your sexuality. For my own personal and spiritual growth it is joyful, challenging and wonderfully inspiring. Rachael

I was interested in spirituality and my own body awareness from a young age. This helped install a sense of connection to a greater whole. It also left me with a desire to maintain a feeling of connectedness and inner peace. This is of course an ongoing journey.
The discovery of Tai chi and later Chi gong has had a hugely beneficial impact on my own self-development. Chi is the flow of life force energy, and the practise of chi gong instructs the movement of chi to areas of the body where needed to dissolve blockages. It is also a very grounding practise, and we believe it compliments our Tantra beautifully.
Tantra....Where do I start? It continues to bring so many wonderful surprises to my personal journey and others around me. Tantra is heart based and works with sexual energy focusing and transforming all aspects of life.Tantra is a way of life embracing all that is. Carmelle

Maybe this is your first delve into Tantra or perhaps you have already begun your Tantric journey. Either way there is much to discover and we welcome you with an open heart and mind.
Love Carmelle and Rachael


I honour the place in you in which
The entire universe dwells.
I honour the place in you which is of Love,
Of Trust, of Light, and of Peace.
When you are in that place in you,
And I am in that place in me,
We are one.